The Anger Trap

Who are you today?

Everyone lives with two (maybe more) sides to themselves.  One is the “Happy Camper” side that people see and the other is “Belligerent” side that lurks under the surface and can do the most damage.  One thing that can often be expected is that it is uncertain who will show up for dinner when they get home.  The person with the public face often times makes an appearance unless or until something isn’t the way it should be or something is said that isn’t viewed as acceptable or appropriate. 

Destruction with words

The blligerent person has very little control over things said or done.  Admittedly everyone has trouble, a lot of trouble, controlling what they do or say when anger takes center stage. When someone is angry, they may not want to even attempt do the things to maintain control.  After all, it is so much easier to give in and vent frustrations to get rid of the emotions that are difficult to contain.  When stuck in anger things are said that could be hurtful and those things that are capped tightly spill out and then it is too late to take them back.  After the storm passes and emotions are once again fully under control it is time to survey the damage.  Taking a look around the path of destruction is easily viewed, collateral damage has to be cleared, and battle wounds are left to clean up.  After the destruction site has been cleared it is then that it is realized that when anger is present in a relationship it can cause irreversible harm.  So what happens when you cannot unsay what has already been said and all that’s left are regrets?

Attention Seeker

It is no surprise that when someone loses their temper everyone around that person feels the aftershocks.  There is almost a feeling of the immediate need to strap on any protective gear that you have and wait for impact.  It is exhausting and difficult to continually feel the need to dodge the next explosion.  Not to mention the fact that everyone in contact with someone that is angry sits in the shadows because the person that is upset demands attention from everyone.  Everything stops as the show makes it to center stage and an unwilling audience is forced to bear witness to a loss of control.  Do they sit back or intervene to try to end the tirade?  Eventually a confrontation will occur and typically it never ends well.

Blind anger

When anger takes over completely, gone is the person that took up residence where the monster now lives (and let’s face it anger is a monster).  It creeps in steals rational thought processes and judgment and leaves behind a singularly focused monster.  Anger, so lost within its selfish desire for dominance and proving its self justified that it rages.  It holds no quarter and those who are unfortunate enough to be in the way are laid to waste.  Anger finds a weakness and exploits it until what is left is the hollow shell of trust and respect.

Taking Action

Everyone who is alive and is capable of expressing emotions will become angry at someone or something, after all anger is easier sometimes than dealing with other emotions.  Giving in to anger because it’s easier and lashing out because it gives a temporary happy feeling does not mean that there is no price to pay.  Things that are said and done when the monster invades have outcomes and consequences.  It is often harder for people on the receiving end of things to forget, forgive, and reconcile the actions portrayed by the person.  Everyone has a choice in how they behave no one can make you act or react in any certain way, it is time to take responsibility for what is done. 

What does God say?

There are repeated warnings in the bible against giving into anger, sometimes we need to talk about problems because most of the time our anger is not justifiable.  When we give in to anger we do not show God in a positive light instead God calls us to respond with wisdom and prayerful consideration.  James 1:20 says: Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 

We have to remember that people are stupid in their flesh and will do or say things that can hurt or even anger these are some of the weaknesses of falling short of the glory of God.  Ephesians 4:29-32 says: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. 

I believe that often times we forget that we are human.  As Christians we sometimes expect those around us to continually perform at a standard that at times is unreachable.  We have to remember that God knew exactly who we are and chose to save us anyway.  If He can forgive us our sins why can’t we forgive each other?

Life at the push of a button

So I am sitting here asking myself why humans were not equipped with a smart button.  It would sure make things so much easier especially when it came to life's decisions.  Need to make a big decision, push a button.  Need to go back and correct a mistake, push a button.  But I am almost certain that would give us the mind set that we could do anything we wanted to and it wouldn't matter. Everyday in the news we get to see the effects of that type of life style in the celebrities we love to watch. They are surrounded by people that tell them yes all the time and their lives are no better or happier than the person sitting next to you at work.

So then I started thinking how much I absolutely love my God.  Sure I mess things up, in fact that's one of my better skills.  To say that I over identify with Peter is an understatement.  I cannot honestly imagine a life that I didn't get to praise my Lord for every hurt, joy, failure, and injustice that takes place in my life.  I look back and I see him carrying me even now when i stumble and sometimes do the things I hate, (hey I accept that I am far from perfect) that there is always someone right there catching me.

Then again why would you want things simple?  We are given this amazing to learn, grow, and teach based on what things we get the opportunity to go through.  How else would we learn how deep and wide the love of Christ actually is?  James 1:12 says Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.  Which says to me there is a purpose in challenges and we cannot just lay down and give up we have to look it in the face and say "my God is so much bigger and I refuse to back down"!!!

For the rest of the week I challenge you, when you are met with a challenge (big or small), to do one of the following three thing with confidence and tenacity:

1) First and foremost always pray about what is going on and bring in a sister or brother in Christ to stand in the gap and pray for you to!!!


2) Dig into the word and find out what God says about what you are going through.  (To often we forget that God was tempted and tried with everything we have to go through, don't doubt his understanding)

3) If it seems to much talk to a friend.  We are not expected to go through things alone and we are much stronger if we recognize our weaknesses and know that we need help.

It's your favorite sins that do you in....

Ripped open and exposed...... that is exactly how I felt when I realized that it wasn't the big things that I have to worry about its all those little bitty ones that I don't think matter.  Oh you know exactly what I'm talking about.  Maybe it's the snide comment that happens to fall from your lips that you can't take back or the extra food you allow yourself when you know you're full.  My favorite is self doubt or anger.  I spend so much time wrapped up in the things that orbit around me that I don't see how my actions may or may not affect those people around me.

Recently I sat and listened to someone say that mercy was about me and that forgiveness is about all of us.  Well with all due respect to that person they are completely incorrect.  Mercy is a gift that is given to all of us by a selfless God because lets face it far to often humans are to selfish to be that selfless. See that is where the ability to curb our judgemental attitudes would come in handy.  Forgiveness now thats where i get to be selfish when someone hurts me.  Because my forgiveness is so I can move forward with my life, it doesn't take away what has happened or make it better it just allows me to keep my walk on track.  Yep there is another sin that as a human is so very easy to hang onto.... the infamous grudge.  It's so easy just to say you hurt me or you cannot be trusted so I am NEVER going to let you or myself forget it.  See that is where it gets tricky.... because you don't know that person fully or the baggage that they are carrying.

WOmen sometimes are the worst at feeling guilty.  What if we work to much will we miss out on the milestones of our children.  We get so caught up in our "over inflated" expectations of being super woman that we lose sight of what's important.

What about expecting perfection out of a flawed person.... aren't you just setting that person up for failure.  That can cause the domino's to fall and then the cycle begins again.

I for one choose to jump off the hampster wheel and begin new making amends when I notice what I am doing wrong or have done wrong.  What you choose to do is up to you.

Ask yourself this week:

1) What intentional or unintentional sins have you committed?
2) Are you giving those over to God daily?
3) Is God bigger than all of this?  (Yes, but sometimes I have sticky fingers)

Trauma

Sitting at her desk her nerves were stretched tight like guitar string tensed to either play or break with the lightest pressure.  She searched for solace or just escape from the questioning eyes and the news that had been delivered just moments before.  The words flowed like lava through her, just another extension of what happened seven months prior that had left her battered and broken.  Another pull of the string brings the pain crashing back into her body.  Things were no longer normal.  She saw things with new eyes felt things with a new awareness she couldn't go back to what she knew before.  How could she her life had been blown apart by her brothers murder.  What she really needed she knew she could not do for herself she needed supernatural strength and grace. 
My brother and I were close growing up we had to be.  We were taught that family was everything and to describe the hole left by his death is impossible for me to do.  I have gone over the events that led to my brother’s death trying to find a good reason for him to be taken like he was, trying to imagine what I would say if I had a voice to do so.

There are several questions a person is forced to ask themselves when trauma enters their world.  First and foremost is what would God have me do with this?  For me it was simple (I say that but really what I mean is supernatural) I had to choose grace.  I had to choose not to hate the people that took someone so precious from me.  When everyone in my family was calling for justice I was alone choosing the path my savior gave to me.  To be completely honest hate would have been easier to feel or even dispare.  It would have been easy to give in to my selfish human emotions sometimes the flesh is easier. 

You are the light of the world—like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see. Don’t hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.
— Matthew 5:14-16 (NLT)

But I have to, I am called to be an example for my family!!  Although I am really well practiced at failing to do so.  Is it any surprise that I want at times just say forget about it today its all about me?  But then I think -- what if Jesus had done the same thing all those years ago, where would I be now??  Lost and alone.

The day I found out about my brother I was on my knees doubled over in pain crying out God Please, God Please. I had to let go and trust that he knew what I was talking about. Isn’t it great that our Lord knows us so completely that we don’t have to say words all the time for Him to get it.

"Count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds." Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:11-12 The Message