From Victim to Victor

 

We all fight Satan’s lies.  My problem is that a lot of the time I fall for them and later when I figure out exactly what it was I feel so frustrated and at times stupid.  Why?  Because I know the attacks are coming they come for every child of God.  This begs the question…. If we know why do we still fall prey to them?  Well my simple answer is that we are all sinners and will sin.  I know that I absolutely do the things that I hate OFTEN. In Romans 7:14-20 Paul was troubled by this very same thing:

“¹⁴ We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”

The issues we face aren’t new however, most of the time we act as if they are.  I firmly believe that there is nothing that I fact that Jesus didn’t but I cannot do this alone.  What makes my struggles so difficult to bear is that they rarely see the light of day and when they do it is in those times I am so bogged down and shattered that there is nothing left for me to do but place my cares in prayer warrior’s hands.  I often look back on the things that I have gone through in my life and think if only.  You know what I am talking about…….. If only I had done this or asked for help sooner…… if only I were treated fairly then blah blah blah.  It’s time to shake off the if only’s and live in the what’s next.  God has called each of us to the places are, have been, and will be for a reason so don’t regret the road traveled give thanks for it.  After all, you are who you are because of where you have been.

Chasing....

1 Corinthians 9:24

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

As a mom I spend most of my weekend days chasing after my kids.... trying to make sure that they have "controlled" fun.  You know the kind of fun that doesn't make the house cave in or cause hospital visits.  Most of the time I listen for those quiet moments that usually mean that the youngest is into something she shouldn't be and i have to sneak up on her to make sure to scare her enough and hopefully catch her before whatever it is has been broken or wasted.  As moms we all have these moments and then when other people tell us how well behaved our children are we desperately try to hold in the laughter and gently say thank you while wondering where the real child went.
If you are a wife then you chase after your husband to pick up dirty laundry, to not walk into the house with grass all over his shoes from mowing the lawn.  Or even beg him to take medicine when he is sick because ladies lets face it when our husbands are ill it is like we have inherited another 5 year old.  I'm just saying....

So this got me thinking today, I spend all this time chasing after other people that I spend very little time chasing after the one that I should be chasing after... My Lord.  I was struck by the fact that I struggle so much with self-esteem when he has made me in His image.  I struggle with relationships when the one that counts the most gets the least amount of my attention because I take it for granted that He will always be there for me even when I am not my best.  I struggle with hurt feelings when I know for a fact that its not what others think about me that matters its what God thinks that should be my measuring stick.  I struggle that I am not model thin and was reminded today that God doesn't my waist but my heart.

These struggles have allowed what should be my burning flame for Jesus slowly become less bright and why?  What's the point in feeling all these things when He has made me beautifully and wonderfully made?  Ladies we are told so many lies and we fully by into them because the world has told us that we are just not worthy.  I for one am done and taking a stand for chasing after the one who is everything to me!!!

I am taking back my God given beauty.  I will no longer chase after the things in this world because guess what.  People are human and a mess someone will always be there to tell you what you aren't, but God is always putting people in your path to tell you what you are to Him.  He is chasing us so why don't we start chasing Him right back?

Knowing your enemy helps you combat the lies we are told and will start the race of chasing God!!!!!  Who will chase the Lord with me?

Tough Times

Fighting, to me is a hard learning process. The tears over arguments and the thoughts that maybe I can't do this all has given me a drive to keep going.  It sometimes takes words from someone that loves you to shake you up and make you see what you should actually be doing, and sometimes you end up with bruised toes.  After all, a relationship is a promise between two people, God doesn't take it lightly and neither should we.

What do you do when you realize when the fairy tale story turns into reality and you realize that the prince can be a frog and the princess the wicked step-sister character of the story?  All those qualities that you once loved now seem selfish and it seems like they no longer care about.  It is all about perspective especially if you've been together for a long time.    

The way I see it now, the problems and issues that are encountered are probably for the best because God is teaching and stretching us.  I know that sounds like a crazy statement, but think about it if we thank God for those issues and look at them with a little perspective we find that those issues are opportunities to grow and re-learn the person you're with.  But what if you've been married several years and you're friends with the person you're with can you start at the beginning and build a friendship.  I say a big YES to that.  It is never too late to make a new beginning all you have to do is try your hardest and be fully invested in relearning the person you are with.

If you can get over the first hurdle, just imagine how much stronger our relationship will be once you reach the next one!  Remember your promise you are partners and God gave you this person for a reason.  Each person has goals and aspirations that you each want to achieve so find the support and friendship in your relationship that will lead you to support each other the way God intended.

The Anger Trap

Who are you today?

Everyone lives with two (maybe more) sides to themselves.  One is the “Happy Camper” side that people see and the other is “Belligerent” side that lurks under the surface and can do the most damage.  One thing that can often be expected is that it is uncertain who will show up for dinner when they get home.  The person with the public face often times makes an appearance unless or until something isn’t the way it should be or something is said that isn’t viewed as acceptable or appropriate. 

Destruction with words

The blligerent person has very little control over things said or done.  Admittedly everyone has trouble, a lot of trouble, controlling what they do or say when anger takes center stage. When someone is angry, they may not want to even attempt do the things to maintain control.  After all, it is so much easier to give in and vent frustrations to get rid of the emotions that are difficult to contain.  When stuck in anger things are said that could be hurtful and those things that are capped tightly spill out and then it is too late to take them back.  After the storm passes and emotions are once again fully under control it is time to survey the damage.  Taking a look around the path of destruction is easily viewed, collateral damage has to be cleared, and battle wounds are left to clean up.  After the destruction site has been cleared it is then that it is realized that when anger is present in a relationship it can cause irreversible harm.  So what happens when you cannot unsay what has already been said and all that’s left are regrets?

Attention Seeker

It is no surprise that when someone loses their temper everyone around that person feels the aftershocks.  There is almost a feeling of the immediate need to strap on any protective gear that you have and wait for impact.  It is exhausting and difficult to continually feel the need to dodge the next explosion.  Not to mention the fact that everyone in contact with someone that is angry sits in the shadows because the person that is upset demands attention from everyone.  Everything stops as the show makes it to center stage and an unwilling audience is forced to bear witness to a loss of control.  Do they sit back or intervene to try to end the tirade?  Eventually a confrontation will occur and typically it never ends well.

Blind anger

When anger takes over completely, gone is the person that took up residence where the monster now lives (and let’s face it anger is a monster).  It creeps in steals rational thought processes and judgment and leaves behind a singularly focused monster.  Anger, so lost within its selfish desire for dominance and proving its self justified that it rages.  It holds no quarter and those who are unfortunate enough to be in the way are laid to waste.  Anger finds a weakness and exploits it until what is left is the hollow shell of trust and respect.

Taking Action

Everyone who is alive and is capable of expressing emotions will become angry at someone or something, after all anger is easier sometimes than dealing with other emotions.  Giving in to anger because it’s easier and lashing out because it gives a temporary happy feeling does not mean that there is no price to pay.  Things that are said and done when the monster invades have outcomes and consequences.  It is often harder for people on the receiving end of things to forget, forgive, and reconcile the actions portrayed by the person.  Everyone has a choice in how they behave no one can make you act or react in any certain way, it is time to take responsibility for what is done. 

What does God say?

There are repeated warnings in the bible against giving into anger, sometimes we need to talk about problems because most of the time our anger is not justifiable.  When we give in to anger we do not show God in a positive light instead God calls us to respond with wisdom and prayerful consideration.  James 1:20 says: Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 

We have to remember that people are stupid in their flesh and will do or say things that can hurt or even anger these are some of the weaknesses of falling short of the glory of God.  Ephesians 4:29-32 says: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. 

I believe that often times we forget that we are human.  As Christians we sometimes expect those around us to continually perform at a standard that at times is unreachable.  We have to remember that God knew exactly who we are and chose to save us anyway.  If He can forgive us our sins why can’t we forgive each other?

Life at the push of a button

So I am sitting here asking myself why humans were not equipped with a smart button.  It would sure make things so much easier especially when it came to life's decisions.  Need to make a big decision, push a button.  Need to go back and correct a mistake, push a button.  But I am almost certain that would give us the mind set that we could do anything we wanted to and it wouldn't matter. Everyday in the news we get to see the effects of that type of life style in the celebrities we love to watch. They are surrounded by people that tell them yes all the time and their lives are no better or happier than the person sitting next to you at work.

So then I started thinking how much I absolutely love my God.  Sure I mess things up, in fact that's one of my better skills.  To say that I over identify with Peter is an understatement.  I cannot honestly imagine a life that I didn't get to praise my Lord for every hurt, joy, failure, and injustice that takes place in my life.  I look back and I see him carrying me even now when i stumble and sometimes do the things I hate, (hey I accept that I am far from perfect) that there is always someone right there catching me.

Then again why would you want things simple?  We are given this amazing to learn, grow, and teach based on what things we get the opportunity to go through.  How else would we learn how deep and wide the love of Christ actually is?  James 1:12 says Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.  Which says to me there is a purpose in challenges and we cannot just lay down and give up we have to look it in the face and say "my God is so much bigger and I refuse to back down"!!!

For the rest of the week I challenge you, when you are met with a challenge (big or small), to do one of the following three thing with confidence and tenacity:

1) First and foremost always pray about what is going on and bring in a sister or brother in Christ to stand in the gap and pray for you to!!!


2) Dig into the word and find out what God says about what you are going through.  (To often we forget that God was tempted and tried with everything we have to go through, don't doubt his understanding)

3) If it seems to much talk to a friend.  We are not expected to go through things alone and we are much stronger if we recognize our weaknesses and know that we need help.

It's your favorite sins that do you in....

Ripped open and exposed...... that is exactly how I felt when I realized that it wasn't the big things that I have to worry about its all those little bitty ones that I don't think matter.  Oh you know exactly what I'm talking about.  Maybe it's the snide comment that happens to fall from your lips that you can't take back or the extra food you allow yourself when you know you're full.  My favorite is self doubt or anger.  I spend so much time wrapped up in the things that orbit around me that I don't see how my actions may or may not affect those people around me.

Recently I sat and listened to someone say that mercy was about me and that forgiveness is about all of us.  Well with all due respect to that person they are completely incorrect.  Mercy is a gift that is given to all of us by a selfless God because lets face it far to often humans are to selfish to be that selfless. See that is where the ability to curb our judgemental attitudes would come in handy.  Forgiveness now thats where i get to be selfish when someone hurts me.  Because my forgiveness is so I can move forward with my life, it doesn't take away what has happened or make it better it just allows me to keep my walk on track.  Yep there is another sin that as a human is so very easy to hang onto.... the infamous grudge.  It's so easy just to say you hurt me or you cannot be trusted so I am NEVER going to let you or myself forget it.  See that is where it gets tricky.... because you don't know that person fully or the baggage that they are carrying.

WOmen sometimes are the worst at feeling guilty.  What if we work to much will we miss out on the milestones of our children.  We get so caught up in our "over inflated" expectations of being super woman that we lose sight of what's important.

What about expecting perfection out of a flawed person.... aren't you just setting that person up for failure.  That can cause the domino's to fall and then the cycle begins again.

I for one choose to jump off the hampster wheel and begin new making amends when I notice what I am doing wrong or have done wrong.  What you choose to do is up to you.

Ask yourself this week:

1) What intentional or unintentional sins have you committed?
2) Are you giving those over to God daily?
3) Is God bigger than all of this?  (Yes, but sometimes I have sticky fingers)

Trauma

Sitting at her desk her nerves were stretched tight like guitar string tensed to either play or break with the lightest pressure.  She searched for solace or just escape from the questioning eyes and the news that had been delivered just moments before.  The words flowed like lava through her, just another extension of what happened seven months prior that had left her battered and broken.  Another pull of the string brings the pain crashing back into her body.  Things were no longer normal.  She saw things with new eyes felt things with a new awareness she couldn't go back to what she knew before.  How could she her life had been blown apart by her brothers murder.  What she really needed she knew she could not do for herself she needed supernatural strength and grace. 
My brother and I were close growing up we had to be.  We were taught that family was everything and to describe the hole left by his death is impossible for me to do.  I have gone over the events that led to my brother’s death trying to find a good reason for him to be taken like he was, trying to imagine what I would say if I had a voice to do so.

There are several questions a person is forced to ask themselves when trauma enters their world.  First and foremost is what would God have me do with this?  For me it was simple (I say that but really what I mean is supernatural) I had to choose grace.  I had to choose not to hate the people that took someone so precious from me.  When everyone in my family was calling for justice I was alone choosing the path my savior gave to me.  To be completely honest hate would have been easier to feel or even dispare.  It would have been easy to give in to my selfish human emotions sometimes the flesh is easier. 

You are the light of the world—like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see. Don’t hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.
— Matthew 5:14-16 (NLT)

But I have to, I am called to be an example for my family!!  Although I am really well practiced at failing to do so.  Is it any surprise that I want at times just say forget about it today its all about me?  But then I think -- what if Jesus had done the same thing all those years ago, where would I be now??  Lost and alone.

The day I found out about my brother I was on my knees doubled over in pain crying out God Please, God Please. I had to let go and trust that he knew what I was talking about. Isn’t it great that our Lord knows us so completely that we don’t have to say words all the time for Him to get it.

"Count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds." Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:11-12 The Message

Got Joy???

Have you ever had something that was so important in your life and so big that you had all of this build up to it and once it's over you feel kind of deflated?  I have been feeling that way recently, I am at the what's next of my journey.  I honestly don't know what I am supposed to feel right now.  I mean I am happy for the outcome it's what I wanted right?  God came through in a major way but still I feel like I have no clue what to do with myself.

Have you ever been that expectant of God only to wind up with Him giving you an answer that you didn't expect or didn't really know you wanted at the time?  My daughter had that happen with volleyball.  At the end of the season she took a hard serve in a volleyball game and broker her thumb.  It didn't stop her from playing, oh no, she played 2 more club tournaments BEFORE she went to have it looked at.  Talk about tough, makes you wonder why we give up so easily right.  When God doesn't give us those answers we crave we just give up, with our hurt feelings and 4 year old pouts we stomp our feet and throw a fit.  We exlaim to anyone who will listen how unfair what we are going through never stopping to think that that there is someone out there might have it a little harder.  The difference between us and them is they still have their hands lifted high never once thinking that God hasn't given them exactly what they need.

Did you know that there is a difference between happiness and joy?  Happiness is just a feeling and it can come and go at the drop of a hat.  But joy, Jesus Joy, is a precious gift that does not just come an go. 

You are the light of the world—like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see. Don’t hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.
— Matthew 5:14-16 (NLT)

Words

Words can make or break a person or situation.  We each have the power to change a situation but we MUST be careful because of the harmful side-effects our tongues can produce.  Words contributed to the death of my brother, although they were not true someone took a persons words as a fact and acted before they knew the truth.  But because these people had itching ears they only heard what they wanted and didn't pause to think.  It's sad right, how often we listen to rumors instead of remembering that God has commanded us not to judge others.  Only He deserves the right to judge us because he knows that we as flesh filled humans do not think clearly all the time.

It is kind of like a conversation that you have with your children.  You tell your daughter I want to meet your friend before you go out with her/him in their car.  To which she responds "you're ruining my life" we all have those conversations and if you haven't you will.  What they don't realize is that we hold their safety first, just like God holds ours. We as parents just roll our eyes and say "you'll survive".  What the kids are looking for is an explanation but to often we brush them off with vague words.

This is why He tells us not to judge.  My daughter is really big on saying "you don't know me" with that in mind how do you know what you are hearing is the full story.  You don't see every angle of the situation, you don't know where someone else is coming from or what happened that day.  We've all heard the following verse “Judge not that you be not judged.”  Words change things.

This verse is quoted whenever you step on someone toes. If you ever say that anything is false or sinful, I immediately think: “who are you to tell me?” Aren't you judging my judgement?  See its a vicious circle.  As followers of God we MUST be careful how we speak to one another.  Words for better or worse matter even if we may not think they do.

Eager for God

I absolutely love worship; to be so lost in the Lord that everything around me drops away whats left is just Him and me.  Today was no different for me, I was eager to meet my Lord, to have those few moments where nothing else mattered but Him.  Then as the sermon started I was on the edge of my seat soaking in all God has to offer, but I started to wonder why I am not like this all the time? 

Have you ever been to a service and just watched the people?  People worship the Lord in so many different and beautiful ways.  When I worship I am a little unhindered it is all out there and I move the way I feel moved.  After church is over Satan begins his work telling me I look like I am a fool.  Its sad really to allow those words to steal the joy I just had at being able to love my father wholly.

But what must it look to outsiders who don't understand and should it matter?  Should my worship be any less eager?  Am I about doing my fathers business by worrying about what the world thinks?  The answer to that is more simple than the question..........NO.  We are supposed to be different, alien.  It reminds me of something I told my daughter recently about dealing with friends that leave.  Some people come into our loves for a season and some for a lifetime the problem we run into is having lifetime expectations of seasonal people.

We have to remember God's not seasonal He is in it for life and that is the most important thing.  I am a firm believer in being a Jesus Freak and being so eager for His word that its all you see.  After all if you are chasing Him the rest of it falls into place according to His will.

Faith without works is dead, you can't just sit around praying you got to do something too. Be different stay eager.

The moments that take your breath away

I was given the opportunity to see my daughter worship.  This was no ordinary stand and sit in the right places kind of worship this was her whole heart on display in total surrender to the one who makes all things new and better.  While watching her I realized a few things.  I have placed a lot of things on hold telling myself that its ok as long as I have my schedule booked up and plenty of things to do.  But it wasn't just my writing or my friends that I have placed on hold while I have let the world rush around me.  I have been grabbing onto excuses in a feeble attempt to keep up and realizing there is no way that I can.

I realized that I have placed things, wants, desires above what is truly important in my life... My God.  What would it feel like to once again surrender my time, my schedule, my pain to Him and fall into that completely blissful moment where I know that without a doubt that I am going to be caught up in the amazingness that is His love?


Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Peter the Apostle Martyred in Rome, 65 A.D. 1 Peter 1:8-9 (NIV)

In Memory of Janet Detzel in your joy may you dance with the angels.

The Dash

Lately, I have been feeling kind of down..... I just found out my mom has breast cancer and I was thinking Lord this is just one more thing.  One, more thing in the list of things that I have had to deal with in my life.  One more thing that seems unfair.  Then I remembered that I am not walking alone and began thinking about everything that God has given me.  I have to say even though some of it hurts beyond the telling of it, I'm thankful. 

I have learned through it all that I have to depend on God because I cannot do this alone.  When the world calls for blood; I call on my savior and the peace and the joy I have found in the midst of my pain has been divine.



The Dash by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning to the end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all was the Dash between those years.
For that Dash represents all the time that she spent alive on Earth,
And now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own, the cars, the house, the cash,
What matter is how we live and love and how we spend our Dash.
So think about this long and hard; Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand the way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile,
Remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.
So when your eulogy is being read with your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your Dash?

Desire

Desire.... it's in us all it can call us to action or stop us dead in our tracks but without a doubt it is a force to be reckoned with. 

Women sometimes are the worst at desiring things that may not be ours.  Like the size 4 body that we had in high school, or the porceline skin that the lady in the seat next to us might have.  We have this constant struggle because the world says that we aren't enough just how God made us.  The popularity for women to go out and change their body if they choose to is like telling God that He didn't do a good enough job the first time.  This is something I am just starting to realize.  I have longed for years to look different than I do to want to be some how prettier than the pretty that God has given me, as if man can do better than my savior. 

Sometimes, I feel like it is so hard to breath and then I remember how much I love God and how much he loves me but sometimes I am weak and need to cry, not because I am trying to handle it all on my own but because I am so overwhelmed by how little I am in the big picture.  How he loves me right in the middle and how much he is molding and changing me for his purpose even through the pain.  I think about how he never blames me or looks down on my for my humanness and how I am worthy of his love just as I am.  He makes it feel ok to just be me good, bad, and ugly especially in those moments when I don’t feel good enough or those times I yearn to be so much more than I am. 

Because of all of this I am daily reminded that my life is a blessing and that I cannot hate where I come from, who I am, or where I am now because I am beautiful and acceptable to Him.



Philippians 3:12-14 ESV
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus

Accountability

Recently, I was blessed to be able to spend some time on the River walk in San Antonio.  I love to watch people so I indulged myself a little while I was there.  One thing I noticed was TIGHTS!!!!! Apparently everyone is wearing them and while some people look nice in them; there are others that just think that they look nice in them.  Believe me when I say that those two qualifications are vastly different.

This left me wondering about how I handle things as a Christ follower.  Can people see Jesus when they look at me or do I just think they can?  While thinking about this I was reminded of the phrase “A man is known by the company he keeps.”  I view this not only as the people I surround myself with; but also the things I hold closest to myself.  We all have them, those secrets we refuse to let go afraid that no one will view us the same if we share it.  I have found that too often I am like that with a lot of things.  Never knowing how much or what to share afraid that if I say too much I might offend someone or if I say to little that I might never make real connections. 

But what if you can change that?  What if you surrounded yourself with people willing to point out when Satan has his bag of lies out and that you are falling for it.  People that you can pour into and that can pour into you shining the light of God’s love into every portion of who you are making sure that the enemy does not stand a chance.  We are so much better when we are together working as one complete body we were not meant to do this thing called life by ourselves.

Hebrews 12:1-2, NLT
Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.

Matthew 18:20, NLT
For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.

Wants.......

March 12, 2012

Have you ever wanted something so bad that it felt as though your heart was crushed when you didn’t get it? It’s that way whenever we don’t rely on God enough and try to do things on our own. How do you ease your heart though? That’s not as easy as we would like to tell people it is. We would like to say yes this is just a growing experience for me and I am moving on while silently wishing our hearts weren’t breaking and weren’t crying out and asking WHY. All to often we forget that our timing may not always be right or what we want may not be the best thing for us at that time.

How easy would it be to scream, cry, and blame God for not giving us what we want rather than stopping in the moment and saying “Praise God”. But we are so human and we, for the most part, live in our flesh after all at times its easier to blame others than ask for clarity to our situations. I think that is why I started writing here because here I can think through my problems instead of taking it out on people around me. All we really need is to let Him lead us!!!!!!!!

Who am I really .......

March 11, 2012

Have you ever asked yourself who you really are? I have and I even made a list:

I am:
Random
Moody at times
difficult
a mom
wife
friend
blood bought
... forgiven
loved
beautiful

but then I look at the list and I ask myself what are the top three that matter the most. It never changes but I lose site of those important facts to often. I am honored to be God's bride a precious child of the king. I have no need that he cannot meet and no desire he cannot provide for me.

Lord I am amazed how you love me. The moment I accepted you ... you brought me in clothed me in the best that you have and treated me as I had always belonged. Thank you

I'm here remember me.....

March 9, 2012

Sometimes I wonder what the heck I am doing! It's like my life is moving along at a steady pace and then all of the sudden I am struck by the selfishness that I have allowed to slowly creep into my life until I am stuck in the blech of this world.

It's in those moments I start thinking that I have all the answers! Just like my kids, don't get me wrong I love them to... bits and pieces, but one of them is 13 and she sometimes thinks she knows everything. She seems to think that I could have never walked down the same roads she is right now. Sure the scenery is different but the theme is the same. Sometimes it is like I am standing there screaming out "let me help you, lean on me, remember me I know your pain." All that begging and pleading is met with a roll of the eyes and a look that says "you're kidding right!"

Makes you wonder how God feels when we get caught up in the blech of our lives and forget that He has been where we are before and is just waiting for us to say "I can't do this alone can you help me."

I am transformed....

March 8, 2012


 It's not enough anymore to be who I've always been and do what I've always done. There is so much more waiting for me and all I have to do is obey and trust that He will do exactly what He said He would do.

Why do I seek approval and acceptance from those I don't need it from? Especially since the one who matters accepts me already just the way I am. Only He can make me whole.

This burning hole is being filled; changing me from the inside out. No longer do I search for understanding but I thank you for what you are doing in my life.

Editing Me......

March 6, 2012

 

 I've started this several times worried about what I would say and if it would make sense! But, I also started before reading the word. So should I be shocked earlier attempts were wordy and didn't make sense?? One word ummmm NO!!! I heard from a good friend recently that we are our own worst critics. I totally see it .... because that's exactly what I am ... hard on myself. ...I write -- hardly anyone knows that because I don't share these things often but I really love it. Normally nothing makes it in front of others because I am worried about things like: will it make sense, will anyone want to read it, and will anyone believe that I wrote it.

But as I see it now God has granted me this amazing gift and if I believe that he did then I have to believe that He will give me the words IF I stay in His word.

I'm NOT looking back...... [John 7:51]

March 7, 2012
 Oh the past it follows us all, and oh how people love to use it against us when it isn't the most convenient. Who we used to date or what we used to do. The saddest thing is one of those people who drag the past right into present is us!! Yep, I said it, our baggage comes with sticky fingers and an ability to not be as forgiving as God has been.

How lame... is that..... I mean He did die for us and forgive the very things we hold to us like a security blanket! But, oh how hard is it to let that junk go? Especially when we have spent years letting those things define us, using them to allow us to keep people out or just close enough to the edge of our lives but never giving them the opportunity to see how broken we really are! Ladies be the first to let go and step forward in boldness. Then do the bravest thing of all and NEVER LOOK BACK!!!!!!

"Does our law condem anyone without first hearing him find out what he is doing?"

Beautiful and beautifully made....

March 5, 2012


God is so amazing right!!!! I mean who else can 100% affirm that not only am I beautiful but that I am beautifully made!

I look around at all I have been given by my creator and also am thinking about how much time I have spent surrounded by my own fear of being inferior. Like I am some how lacking is like telling God he had no idea what he was doing when He created me!! I can't get over the selfishness in those words. Thank goodness for the women's retreat and several amazing new frliends that were huge in realizing that I am a beloved child of God.